You ever ask yourself where you are? you’re probably thinking, “huh, what do you mean?” I mean, do you ever ask yourself if you are happy where you are right now? As individuals, we tend to get too comfortable where we are in life and because of it, we lack vision sometimes.We find ourselves being unhappy, yet we refuse to do something about it and make actual changes.
Why is that? well, if you ask me, I think it’s easier to settle for average rather than taking that leap of faith, if you want to call it that. One of the biggest factors that contribute to our failure to want better in our lives is the fact we’ve been conditioned to think we aren’t worthy of better things or perhaps the biggest bullshit I’ve come across is that “It is our job to fix what’s broken.” NEWSFLASH: It’s not our job!
How does that work in general? for instance, you are in a relationship, in a marriage, in a friendship/s, in a job or at school, and you are not happy being in it; why is it that we are supposed to be the ones fixing whatever is making us unhappy, unappreciated and worthless? Why do we have to be the ones going above and beyond, pulling strings, putting ourselves last, when in reality, we deserve better and we have the freedom to leave if we really wanted to. Don’t get me wrong now, I am not saying leaving is the answer to all of your problems, absolutely not. For certain things, yes, things may work out depending on the situation, the problem and the solution.
When it comes to jobs and education, I do believe it’s easier for someone to get the courage to quit or withdraw because perhaps you found a better school that fits your needs, or a job that pays you better and acknowledges your hard work and dedication. Of course, sometimes, when thinking of changing jobs, you always need to make sure, financially, you will be stable. Trust me, I went through this myself. I remember years ago, I found myself getting up from my desk, went to the bathroom and cried. I was fed up. I can still remember how angry and unappreciated I felt.
The same week, I had shared what I had experienced at work with one of my girlfriends, Sabrina, whom I consider my “zen” girlfriend, and she was actually mentioned in one of my earliest chapter posts. As soon as I texted her that I had cried at my job, she wrote me back saying, “You need to leave that job! A job that makes you cry, not out of happiness, but out of anger and disappointment does not deserve your presence.” Let me tell you, this is why it is important to be surrounded by good people. People who will uplift you and motivate you to want better for yourself. People who will see the potential in you and who will demand you to be happy because they see how worthy you are. I took her words very seriously. I had some reflection to do, “Do I stay here because I need money or do I take a chance and look for something better?” because that’s the thing, I was at a point in my life where I could not afford to tolerate any more negativity. With the support of my husband and my friends, I went ahead and started looking for other jobs; the day I was called back for a job I had enjoyed interviewing for and given an offer, I cried because I was happy and a big piece of burden had been lifted off of me. Those two weeks left at my previous job, I could not stop smiling, and even my former co-workers noticed I was glowing, that my friends is what I call happiness.
Believe me, I was scared, man was I scared, changing jobs can be a difficult thing to maneuver. The best I can tell you is to trust the process and timing; You always have to put your well-being first and really ask yourself if you are happy where you are, because if you’re not, you need to figure out what will make you happy. You deserve to thrive in life. You weren’t placed on this planet so you can be mediocre; you have a greater purpose, you deserve happiness, therefore you must choose happiness.
Quote by Yours Truly
With relationships, leaving is not so easy. When it comes to marriages, partner relationships, friendships and family; leaving is not seen as an option, for given reasons. With friendships, marriages and partner relationships, I am going to go ahead and say it, we give too much. We are way too kind, too loyal, and unless we catch ourselves being taken advantage of, we can be naive and come up with excuses to stay, to work it out, and to fix the other individual. Do you know how much harm you are causing to your own well- being by allowing yourself to be miserable with someone who isn’t valuing you the way you need to be valued.
I have another girlfriend, Karen, whom I adore because God bless her realness and rawness. This chick can sense someone toxic on her radar; it’s like she’s got this intuition, but man, she is one that’s made me really take a look at my circle of friends. Without a doubt, whether it was closed friendships or encounter with certain acquaintances, she knew from the very beginning these people weren’t good for me and were not to be trusted. Once again folks, count on good people, surround yourself with people who are looking out for you!
Ask yourself, are you the only one putting effort in the relationship? Are you receiving the same consistency, dedication, love, loyalty and honesty? Are you being physically, emotionally and/or financially abused?
Are your friends there for you only when it’s good? how about when it’s bad? when it gets really ugly?Are they hostile when you set boundaries or at least attempt to? Are your friends positive? Are their lives full of drama? Do they support you? Do they care for you? or talk about you in an envious way?
Do your husband or wife make you feel worthless, undervalued, unattractive or overall treat you like shit? Are either of them supportive, loving, respectful and do they make you feel secure? believe me, you can choose what will make your soul feel good. It takes acceptance, support and strength to walk away from something that it’s toxic to you. It’s not easy to abandon something you invested in, even with children, think about what kind of example you would want to set, what message are you sending your child/children?
Listen, if your marriage didn’t work out, if you had to break up with your partner, or if you had to end a friendship, it doesn’t take away from your character, heck no! if anything, it adds value to your character, to your life. There is no success without hardship and failure.
We all need to learn by now that life isn’t always going to be kind to us, but it also won’t stop us from working on our happiness. Always remember, everything that happens to us, is either a blessing or an experience.
Do you know how many friendships and jobs I’ve left because I felt miserable! Best decision I’ve ever made was to cut down on negativity, getting rid of toxic friends and toxic work environments. Please, really re-evaluate your life, but MOST IMPORTANTLY KNOW YOUR WORTH! SAY IT WITH ME:
Lastly, as I am wrapping up this chapter, I wanted to talk about how tough it is to rethink your relationship with your family, your blood, your mirror. This is certainly a sensitive subject since the saying goes “you don’t choose your family, they are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” I hate to say this, but uh sorry, that doesn’t apply to every family. Sometimes, our family members can be toxic, negative and will force you to join their misery. It’s so important to set healthy boundaries, however, when you’ve been raised to think the idea of “family over everything,” is the norm, it’s like you’ve been trained to believe that even if you are unhappy at home, being maltreated or made to think that you are not good enough, you have to stay put because it’s your family. Nonsense! you have the right to walk away, and create a more positive life on your own. We aren’t always going to receive support from our parents, siblings, extended family- but that’s why nowadays, friends become family, strangers become friends then become family, you get it right? you are not alone on this. We don’t have to agree and certainly not allow family members dictate our lives, or judge them. Our families love to project onto us; their trauma becomes our trauma and so there’s no time to look for happiness, when you feel obligated to attend to others’ needs, when you really need to attend to yours.
Any type of relationship or occupation you have, can be saved or worked out, if the other person involved is putting effort into not just trying to understand where you are coming from but making changes on their end to alleviate any pain, disappointment or discomfort they’ve caused. Whether is your current work supervisor hearing you out and trying to work a compromise, or putting your foot down in your marriage and asking the other individual to step in or in your friendships, checking-in with your circle and seeing whether or not your friends are being kind to you or not.
Where are you right now? if you’re not feeling who you are, what you are becoming or your happiness is being taken away, just know that YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE DIRECTIONS and WORK TOWARDS FEELING HAPPY and LIVING HAPPY.
Leaving you here now to do some reflection with this simple quote:
With Kare 4 You ♡ 